Daisy Boo Duckie, iPhone and Ms Sneaky Peaky!

Daisy Boo duckie safely arrived via the letterbox at 08.55 on Saturday morning. She was quite quiet immediately after her birth but then started to drive me quackers with her demands for food! She is a very greedy ickle baby! By Sunday I had managed to wean her onto my kibbles and one of those keeps her happy for hours! I luvs kissing, cuddling and bitings her so that she is all wet and sticky!! She also likes Ratty, my Plague Ratsie, and dey plays together and Daisy now smells nice and pooey - just da way I likes my babies!!

Trea has taken a couple of vids of me and Daisy Boo wiv her new iPhone! Mummy and I sometimes fink she luvs da iPhone and iMac betterer than us! She is always stucked on it! Mummy says it is very "aunty soshull" but I dids not knowed we hads an Aunty called Soshull?!! I fink da Trea spends so much time on da 'puter cos she is "Johnny no mates"!! I just hopes dat she does not read dis! I am still trying to sell her on e.Bay and Amazon wivout much success!!

I tried to gets under da carpet in da sitting room last night until somefink called "slipper" biteds my bum! I had to sit in a bath of water for ages before it cooled - my bum, not da water by da way! So, todays I am planning on scaling da North Face of da sofa once I know dat Mummy is busy in da kitchen! Miss Sneaky Peaky is at work but I fink she might have set up a web cam - she shud be reported to da orforities for dat!!

I hads better go and look good for a while before my assault on da sofa begins in ernest.....or shuds dat be earnest?! Dids you hear da joke about da two maggots making love in dead ernest?! LMAO!!

Love you all lots and lots,

Jazzy XXXXXXX

Bluebottle was murdered, not eated!

On further investigation I found out dat Mum has not eated my bluebottle but she had doned for him wiv some spray which made him go stiff and turn up his toes! I founded him yesterday and made Mummy feel bad about what she had doned! She grovelled suitably (until next time!) and we gave bluebottle a proper send off! Mummy was clearly upsetted as she had a grimace on her face and muttered "it's disgusting" as she put bluebottle in his last resting place! To placate, me she opened a jar of Shittums (or is is Shiphams?) crab pate and let me eated it from her finger! I felt much betterer!

Trea ordered me a new Duckie which is winging is way across the Atlantic right now! So I will have Ratsies and Duckie to park under the furniture out of paw reach! Dat means that Trea will have to get dem out and, even betterer, I gets to bite her bum in da process!! Hi Paws!!!

Trea is at work today which means I can prowl around the house wivout being constantly spied on! She is always making me jump! I sometime let my stinky gland go on her to make my point!!

Well, Mummy Darling needs me so I had better go and tuck up on her laps!

LOL XXXX

Poops, I-Tal-Leon fud, Sneaky Peaky Vampires and Fings!

Well, I has been very busy wiv all sorts of fings including my blogspot which I think is really cool! I had a great big stinky poopy-plops at 12.40am today which did not best please Mummy and Trea! They were clearly not impressed with my "Farmyard Smells" impression!! It was all cos I had eated some strawberries last evening which I dids not liked at all and spitted dem out over da carpet, BUT they clearly gived me a grumbly-tumbly which gived me winds! Parp! Parp!!

My lovely friends TheBarmyArmy also pooped in der backyard yesterday cos der Mum and Dad gave dem I-Tal-Leon fud which I fink deys had got on da cheap! **Nosetap**!! I has nuffink against foreign fud as long as it comes from yet INGERLAND!!! Mum and Trea love I-Tal-Leon fud but der is no way I iz gonna eat a plates of wurms wiv 'matoes and garlic on tops!! (Trea poops alot too!! Has radioactive bowels, Mummy says!)

Of course, my grumbly-tumbly could be as a result of Trea trying to do for me! She so jellus of my beauty!! I has seed her wiv da bunches of Deadly Nighstshade!! I wud put it in her tea but she is a Vampire! If she biteds me I would get to da Vet pronto and gets myself checked out! Bites are not gud...especially from vamps like Trea. She uses electric toofbrush cos her fangs gets so doity!! She ain't da full pound (or Dollar if you is reading this in da States!) - one fang short of a vampire if you ask me!!

Oh! and one of our neighbours wants to snuff my grey squirrels cos dey got in her loft! She not nice laydee! My squirrels has got to live somewhere.... as long as it is not my loft cos they very noisy at night!!! I has bats too - dey do squeaks and poo up der noses!!! I likes bats!!

Well, I has better go cos I feel a sneaky peaky moment coming on! I needs to see whats da neighbours iz up to!!! Mummy says I iz a curtain twitcher!! Mummy loves me!!!

LOL Jazzy XXXXX