NIGHTMARE ON @MADLABM'S STREET!!!

Darlings

Over da weekendy dis hooman below went to a BBQ and brunged nuffink whatsoever back for her two babies @MadLabM and @MavTheTiger!  Dems poor, skinny babies was a-howling and a-cryings cos dems had no BBQ or nuffink!!  Madison and Mav are such skinny minnies and it just breaks ma heart dat der Mama could be so VERY, VERY, EVER-SO NORTY!!!!

Dis is a pichir of @MadLabM and @MavTheTiger's very own

FREDERICA ON ELM STREET!!!!

(Look at dem gnashers on her!!  She has gotted dat poor Madison gagged too!!)

If you knows of any other hoomans you have purrpeetrateded such crimes against our furrends, den please send me a toot-out so dat we can name and shame dem for all purrpeetuity!!!

**please donate any half-eaten bones, fox poo, rabbit droppings, duck crap by sending it direct to Madison's Mama**!! XXXX

Please don't have nightmares!!  I am tooting wiv fright just typing dis story!! **opens windows**!!

Loves ya all!

Da Jazzer XXXXXXX

REMEMBER IT WAS DA JAZZER WHO MADE @BRUTUSTHEDANE (IN)FAMOUS!!

OK! Kids!

Here goes! My very good furrend @BrutusTheDane wants to be famous and has been sniffing around ma Norty Step - could probably still smell @Marleyterrier's singed butt after he blew up @Kolo_Martin and myself a few months ago - and who am I to disappoint!!  Only problem is da wot norty fings has Bru done?

@Brutusthedane in all his glory....

but not for long!!!!!

Here is his very special calling card - his Mum must have da bestest and most fertile veggie garden in all of da US -

Anyone for tennis?  All balls recycled!!

OMC! I haz never seed a cow poop as much in one go!!!  **holds nose**!!  I bet when Brutus toots, his Mum has enough supply of gas for the whole of the West USA.  Now wonder we haz global warmings!! 

Now, the next piccy will surprise many of you (or may be not)!  Our Brutus is not just a Shibbering Cheeto, BUT also a Shivvering Chickacheetah!!!!!

Oh! Yes! Our Bru does male modelling in his spare time!!

**You are so tooty & frooty Bru**

And here is one of Brutus' "Hot Dawgs" - **looks more like she finking "what was dat all about"**!!

Well, da Earth did not move for me!!

And here is one of our Bru strutting his stuff:

"He's gotta be SO MACHO...."

And finally...........

What's dat piece of pink floof between your legs, Bru?

Ma Norty Step is currently being re-built and extended as der are so many norty boys and girls out der just begging to be on ma step!!

I love you, Bru!!

Jazzer XXXXXXXX

OMC! LOOK WHO FINALLY MADE IT TO DA NORTY STEP!!!

Darlings

Just take a look at dis very norty boy!  He has finally made it to da Norty Step!  I have to find our all da norty fings he has done...but I need more time.....!!!  Oh! dis is gonna be such fun digging da doit on -

@Mattiedog

And dis one just gotta go on da Norty Step for being a complete pain in da butt morning, noon and night!1  Mummy agrees wiv me to!

Dat Trea

who finks dat Margherita is a prettier kitteh den me

Dat Tart

who sneaks around after me all da time!

And Dat Mama 

for telling me off for shooting her a south paw dis evening!!

Loves you all,

Da Jazzer XXXXX

Just a teaser BUT here are a few more culprits on ma NORTY STEP!!

Darlings

Just to whet your appetites des two norty boys have just gotta be putted on ma norty step for being very flirty wiv da girls!!!

Who are des two rascals?  Dems is Thor(minator) and Rio

da bruvs of dat norty minx Raven!!!

And here is annuver self-confessed norty boy who did somefink norty and who's name was given to me yesterday....

Henry @Quadpawd

(wonder what he did?!)

And here is some norty,  tarty girl on da arm of dat well-fit Prime(Beefcake) Minister of da UK!!  Who coulds dat be?

Jazz 'n' Dave

(dat could be a great name for a pop duo?!)

Don't have nightmares!!

Love,

Jazzer XXXXXX

ONE TWIZZLER, ONE INNOCENT PUP AND TWO NORTY BOYS = NORTY STEP!!

Darlings

It was brunged to ma notice yesterday but da cutie pie wittle girl dog Daffy, a.k.a. @no_crybaby_doGs, dat two very norty boys asked to see her TWIZZLER!  Ms Daffy eagerly obliged finking dat dey were gentleman but dems took advantage of Ms Daffy (piccy below) and she let 'em have good and strong!  Girl Power Rools OK!!

Culprit numero uno is none other than the suave, sophisticated (ha! ha! ha!) @BaronVonOdem - dem titled folks are all da same!!!

BARON VON ODEM

Who wuz aided and abetted by none other than @Apollo_Frenchie

APOLLO

As you can tell from Ms Daffy's pichur, she is sweet and innocent and da two NORTY BOYS menshunned took advantage of her sweet nature!!

Don't have nightmares, darlings!

Love,

Jazzy XXXXX

LOOK WHO'S ON DA NORTY STEP.......

Darlings

Dis very NORTY doggy was reported to me by a puddytat named Mav (who claims to know dis doggy rather well - snickers!) cos dis cuplprit spends half her time doing skatings and dancing and pole dancing on top of her Momma's table!!  Dis is somefink which, Moikins, Jazzy, would never ever do!!  **Well, not is Mum was in da room**!!

@MadLabM

(nomming Momma's table leg!)

Der are also several others of note who have comed to ma attenshun recently and should also be on da NORTY STEP:

@SidTheCatahoula is not really dat NORTY 

(Oh! yes he is I her you all weoof and meowza!!)

but he is so cute, I fawt I would put him there anyways!

OMC! I nearly forget, Sid's long-suffering Teddy Bear
@The_Curly_Bear

Who is about to give da "one underneath"
a conditioner he will never forget!  It is called
Da Bear Necessities!!
**No wonder BizBeeKitty wears a hoodie at all times** 

@BizBeeKitty for crimes again fashun!  Wimmins fashun!!

@BusyButtons for sticking his tongue out!!

@JinJinDoggy

AND

@PixelDoggy

Two tarts with hearts who are trying to compete with my tartiness!!

Da noive of it all!!

@Cokiethecat who is supposed to be ma fiance

but will not commit "because he is too young"!

**you are only as young as the woman you feel, Cokie boy**

PS:  I nearly forgotted someones!!

Ma partner-in-crime @Teaganthedog

AND

@Mariodacat who fawt he wuz a wimmins

until his Mommy stopped dressing him in

lace and bows!!

HAPPY SPRING, PLAYMATES!

LET MISCHIEF AND MAYHEM ROOL!!

love, Jazzy XXXXXX

STOP PRESS STOP PRESS - NORTY STEP EXTRA

Darlings

If you are of feeble disposition, please look away now!!  However, if you are of robust disposition and want to see what a TYPICAL boy gets up to when da lights are out - FEAST YOUR EYES ON DIS MORSEL:

@ZACKRABBIT

BACK ON DA NORTY STEP

AFTER REMEMBERING WHERE 

HE HAD HIDDEN

HIS NUTS OVER WINTER!!

Love you all,

Jazzy XXXXX

DIS PURRSON ON DA NORTY STEP BY SPESHUL REQUEST OF @JINJINDOGGY

DARLINGS

@JINJINDOGGY nominated dis purrson, who shall remain nameless, for da very NORTY STEP for crimes against Bunny Wabbits!  Well @ZackRabbit achully!  Last time me seed him he was darting down da rabbit hole like dat Alice in Wonderland!  Purrsonally, I do not see wot da fuss iz all abouts:

Jazzy da Bunny Girl

(who put dat name der???)

**sighs** some of us were just born booful**!!

If anybunny has sightings of dat @ZackRabbit please let me know!!

See ya'll at da Scifipawty!

Love and stuff,

Jazzy da Minx XXXXXX

AND LOOK WHO IS JOINING APPLE ON DA NORTY STEP - RYKER TYKER

Darlings

Mr Goody Four Paws dat @Ryker_Tyker has now landed firmly SPLAT on my NORTY STEP for being a very, very, velly, velly CHEEKY BOY to me!  He "incinerated" dat I is NOT da innocent wittle girly wot I iz!!!  Da noive of da boy!!!!!

DA MEDAL ROUND HIS NECK SEZ:

"RYKER TYKER: DA SECOND NORTIEST/CHEEKIEST BOY ON DIS PLANET

(AFTER APPLE!)"

Please do not have nightmares!

Love you all,

Jazzy XXXXXXXX

APPLE - DA NORTIEST OF DA NORTIEST ON DA STEP SO FAR......

Darlings

Dis is APPLE @PepiSmartDog's bruv who is on da NORTY STEP for fanging his Grandpaw Ray da udder day wiv his two front fangs and drawing blood!  (Apple explained dat he was achully trying to "draw" Grandpaw!!!).  BUT Grandpaw Ray had a WMD in his handy - a WATER SPRAY!!!

Grandpaw Ray used dis on APPLE and much, to his sisfur Suki and Tahni's delight, Grandpaw scored a Bullseye and dat APPLE slunk off to sulk being a complete Big Girl's Blouse!!!

APPLE - DA NORTIEST OF DA NORTIEST ON DA NORTY STEP SO FAR!!!

FANGS, APPLE FOR MAKING OUR DAY GET BETTERS!!

Love you all,

Jazzy XXXX

TARTS WITH HEARTS ON THE NORTY STEP: ALL GIRL LINE-UP!!

Darlings

Here is special Norty Step edition because nortiness just tooked on a new meaning!  I am finking dat later in da year I may run a NORTIEST OF THE NORTIEST ON DA NORTY STEP?  The prize will be a pawtrait from @zaziart.......or a visit to an animal shrink!!

So first up tonight are @JinJinDoggy and @PixelDoggy - words fail me as I fawt dems was good girls:

Wot a pair of crackers!!  Wonder how often they will get pulled?!

Second up tonight is @Teaganthedog for getting ratarsed in the pub, eating raw hide and pizzle, trying to snog anuvver doggy and FARTING like a trooper and blaming her poor innocent Daddy.  Just as well no one smokes, or our wide-eyed and innocent Ms Teagan would have a very cold butt tonight!!

Ms Farty Pants 2010

Third up tonight was putted here by dat Trea.  It is moi-kins @jazzydacat.  Yup! She ratted on her own wittle sisfur!!  I had dis pichur took to earn some money for my poor old Mummy BUT Ms Prim and Proper had to go spill da beans!!

Strumpet of da Year 2010

And finally in our all girls line-up tonight is @no_crybaby_doGs, Daffy!!!

Daffy da Punk Rock Chick!!

Don't have nightmares, darlings!

Love and kisses,

Jazzy XXXX

NORTY STEP ALERT - THREE MORE BUMS JUST ADDED!!!

Darlings

Christmouse just come early for me cos @Shawneeshep just made ma day!!!

Suspect 1 is DIXIE:

 Who scritched her Mom's arms cos Mom tried to clean over her doity ears!!

(Purrsonally, I fink Mom should be on da step too!!)

Suspect 2 is SYDNEY:

Who got herself all muddy-poos

and had to be frown in da barf!!

However, da PRIME SUSPECT is dat @Shawneeshep - she did not see dat comings MOL - who set up Dixie and Sydney to take da rap for her norty ways!!!

OK, Shawnee you have been grassed up by da Cagney (Dixie) and Lacey (Sydney)

of da dawg world!!  BUT you look so in place on my NORTY STEP!!

**GUILTY AS CHARGED**

Loves ya all,

Jazzy XXXXX

SPESHULL PLACE ON DA NORTY STEP

Darlings

Dis VERY VERY VERY VERY norty girl, @PollyPuss11, is on the Norty Step on her own today for staying out all night and giving her Mummy and Daddy a dreadful fright!!  Just a few weeks back she also attempted to hang herself from da Roman Blind in der bedroom!!!

POLLY

and to keep Polly company

here is @busybuttons

Who looks like she could be a very Norty girly!! Yay!

Let the fun begin!

Love, Jazzy XXXXXX

A GREAT START TO DA WEEK WIV MORE FOR DA NORTY STEP

Darlings

It has been brunged to ma attenshun, yet again, dat da suspects displayed below more den desoive der place on da NORTY STEP:

First outta da trap dis week is @CJdoggirl who was suggested by, and voted for unanmimousely, by dat @Kittehboi who is also very, very norty - but more of hims laters:

(Da woofurs in da pichur are NOT norty at all, but just have da misfortune

to be in da wrong place at da wrong time!)

Second outta da trap is none other than that saucy minx @grrlysquirrel.  WARNING: Furrbabies should cover der eyes cos dis Michelle da Minxette has managed to remove a man's pants wivout him even feeling da draught!! (*Umm dat Trea can do dat too - makes note in black booky!**)  And Michelle the Minx has da noive to call moi Tarty Mae - she is guilty as charged:

Third outta da trap is @Kittehboi

- second time around for him - who stitched up @CJdoggirl:

Dis is Mr Breeze's WANTED POSTER!!!!

Fourth outta da trap are two little madam's @piddleandpurr who duz unmentionable fings and dat!

Rosie and Blossom are a pair of scheming norties!!  Dems is here for crimes against da 

Ladies Knitting Circle and der wool!

Fifth outta da trap is @BadAndy_KityKat who is heaps of fun but very, very norty too!!

How could you not love dat!

Goodnight, Sweethearts.

Love, Jazzy XXXX

WHO IS ON DA NORTY STEP FOR A SECOND TIME???!!!

Darlings

I am sorry to tell you da one very, very, very, ever so NORTY dawg, who shall remain shameless, is now back on dat Norty Step for a second time!  Who could it be?  I can hear your gasps already... yes, it is.... Miss Butter-Would-Not-Melt...taaaa! daaaaa!!!

@TeaganTheDog

Who runned away from her Mummy in da wood chasing** a deer and who said dat I meowza-ed too much on da Twitter! Da noive of dat dawg!  Me? Too many Tweets?  Not enuff if you ask me!!!

*Teagan wuz chasing da deer...not her poor Mummy**

(She makes @Marleyterrier look like a well-meaning amateur!)

Love Jazzy XXXXX

CONCATULATIONS TO ZACK RABBIT...& ONE MORE FOR DA NORTY STEP!

Darlings

**STOP PRESS** - HUGE CONCATULATIONS TO ZACK RABBIT FOR COMING 1ST IN DA SHORTY AWARDS!!  SO WELL DESERVED!!  *MEBBE ME GETS TO NOM HIS CARROT FINALLY!**

ALSO MANY CONCATULATIONS TO FRUGAL DOUGAL FOR COMING 2ND FOR HIS TIRELESS #PAWPAWTY CHARITY WORK!!  SO MANHY ANIPALS HAVE MUCH FOR WHICH TO THANK HIM!

AND TO BREWSKIE'S MUM FOR GETTING 3RD PLACE?

WELL, DONE EVERY BUNNY WHETHER BUNNY, DAWG OR PUSSUMS!!

**NORTY ALERT**

Sunday, Sweet Sunday and another  one @Jasmine_Woo_Woo to add to ma norty step for refusing to accept , COD, the Pussums's (oops, Freudian slip! trouble wiv ma worms today!)) POSSUMS POPSICLES which I sented to her for her brekkies today!!  She is possibly the nortiest doggy I know...if I try and forget dat @Marleyterrier and dat is very difficult since he blew up ma norty step last week after igniting one of @Kolo_Martin's FARTS!  Ma bum floof/tail fevvers and whikkers are still recovering!!

@Jasmine_Woo_Woo

**I should have posted da pic of her surrounded by pink floof when her

foam-stuffed platypuss spontaenously combusted around her a few

months ago!  Another of life's great unsolved mysteries, 

even though pink floof was visibly sticking outta her toofies**! XXX

Have a Happy Sunday, playmates!

Jazzy XXXXXX

EVEN MORE VERY NORTY ONES FOR PLONKING ON MA NORTY STEP!

Darlings

It has come to ma attenshun dat der are several EXTREMELY NORTY ONES who should be on ma step!  But I must, once again, add @marleyterrier to the step for blowing it up just da other day when he set fire one of dat @Kolo_Martin's farts - boom! and ma knickers were flying over da Pond...!!

Dis is dat @marleyterrier pretending to be a goner so that I would not's thwack thwack thwock him for blowing up ma norty step!  Da noive of it! XXX

First up today is dat @ZackRabbit who, when he runs out of choccy chips, makes his own!!

**remind me not to eat dem choccy chip cookies**!!

And when he is not making choccy chips, spends a lot of time playing with his BIG carrot!

Second on da list today is dat @SydPie who is a very purrty girly BUT

so very, very norty!  She recently went a plonker checking out somefink should ought not to have got her nose stuck in!  Gave her poor Mama a fright!  Dat is ultra norty!!

STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS! NORTY ALERT!

Oh! and it has been brung to ma further attenshun dat Ms Purrty Dawg done a crime

last year!  Da curious incident of da mud-sofa incident last Summer"!  

Dis cute dawgy has some street cred for sure! XXX

Third up is @MarshallSheldon cos he leads me into norty ways early in da morning!

Fourth on today's list is @Teaganthedog who boings all over da place, hides under tables, bites frew her lead and causes mayhem in da local public house!

And last, but not least, is ma furrend @Flicka47 who has been very, very norty recerntly! *wink wink**

and is ma partner-in-crime.  We have both signed the pledge on fudge for life!!

Watch dis space.......

Loves you all,

Jazzy XXXXXX